Game On!

Dining Room Christmas 2019 resize

NewWifey(tm) certainly knows how to decorate a dining room for Christmas, doesn’t she? Shame we had no one to share it with.

It’s probably for the best, though. Imagine sitting down in a festive space like that (and when we set the table we used those gold chargers in the china cabinet, Christmas themed china, crystal stemware, a Baccarat decanter for the wine, and the good sporks) and being served a wedge of Stouffer’s frozen lasagna (“with 2X the meat required by the Lasagna With Meat Sauce Standard!“) from a cardboard tub. The disconnect would be painful.

Oh well. It was pretty, the wine was good, we had a loop of cheesy Christmas carols bellowing from the stereo,ย  and best of all: the drunken after-dinner sex on/under the table didn’t startle our guests this year.

Then we opened presents. I gave NewWifey(tm) a Chia Head and an IOU. She gave me a chair to replace the ottoman I perch on when I watch porn on the computer.

After the insincere “Oh, you shouldn’t have!“s and the careful re-folding ofย  wrapping paper so we could use it again next year, we poured ourselves another Dr. McGillicuddy’s Butterscotch Schnapps and settled in to watch “A Muppet’s Christmas Carol”.

But just as the opening song came to an end and Fozzy was about to tell us that Marley was dead, to begin with, there was a knock on the door. NewWifey(tm) peeked out the bay window.

It’s Bunny!” she said.

“Quick, turn the tree and the stereo off!” I hissed. “Pretend we’re not here. She’s an affront to god!”

I HEARD THAT!” came a bellow from the other side of the door. “LET ME IN! I HAVE PRESENTS.”

Bunny, you may recall, is my very good buddy who I helped when she was transitioning from male to female. The one who’s vagina she insisted on showing me.

“Oh, alright” I said. “As long as you have presents. Honey, let the freak of nature in.”

NewWifey(tm) opened the door, and Bunny bounced in lugging a fur-trimmed red sack with a bunch of presents poking out the top. She smelled like cinnamon.

You guys getting ready to watch the Muppets?” she said.

NewWifey(tm) pointed to the paused screen.

Bunny nodded. “Mind if I watch with you?

“Yes, I do” I said. She plopped down on the couch anyway.

Do you have any fruitcake?” she asked.

“No” I said.

Dr. McGillicuddy?

“Bunny” I said, “you said you had presents?”

Oh yeah!” she opened her sack. Out came a large rectangular box and several smaller ones for me, and NewWifey(tm) got passed a large flat box…and several smaller ones. “Merry Christmas!

We tore into them.

NewWifey(tm) got some typical girly crap: a Lenovo Thinkpad laptop computer, a Kindle, some clothes or something, and jewelry. You know, junk.

But I scored. Big time:

Christmas2020 Bunny Swag! (1 of 1)


“Dude” I said, “I know we’ve been bu -”

She stopped me. “I told you, it’s not ‘dude’. You’ve seen my vagina. I’m a chick. Make that mistake again and I’ll knock your teeth out.

“Sorry” I said. “Babe, I know we’ve been buddies for a long time, but…what the fuck? I didn’t get this much stuff at my wedding!”

Well” she said, “I really, really wanted to thank you for opening your home to me when I needed a place to recover after my surgeries. Plus, I couldn’t stand playing your goddam PLAYSTATION 2 that I can’t believe you’re still limping along with. If I ever have to stay here again I need a system that won’t make me feel like Lady Macbeth when I’m done playing.”

I gave her a hug, copped a quick feel, then brought her out a half pound slab of fruitcake and a mug of Dr. MacGillicuddy’s finest. Then we all sat and watched Michael Caine and Fozzie Bear and Rizzo (my spirit animal) and Miss Piggy and Kermit and a bunch of chickens, mice, and penguins (plus one dead goose and a dead turkey…some animals are more equal than others even in Muppetland, I guess) dance and skate and sing their way through Dicken’s moralist tale of –

Ah, fuck it. We watched “A Muppet’s Christmas Carol” and got blitzed on syrupy booze and fruitcake.

God bless us, every one.

G’night, kids. Figgy pudding.


Picture Supplement

I brought my camera and tripod to work with me Christmas morning and took a few shots out our kitchen window of the Manhattan skyline just before, and just after, dawn. Normally a setup like that would get in the way of announcers bolting in and out for life giving coffee and Little Debbie Cakes. But there was only a skeleton crew on that day, so I went for it.

I had to work Christmas morning and it sucked. But I do like these pictures.

Downtown, Freedom Tower and Battery:

Night City Skyline X-Mas (1 of 1)

Midtown, with Empire State Building:

Christmas Morning Midtown from work (1 of 1)


Christmas Morning Midtown Dawn (1 of 1)

It’s too bad I’ll never use my camera again. But I mean who would, when….

Christmas2020 Bunny Swag! (1 of 1)


* That last item in the lower right will be the subject of a not-too-distant future entry. If you like stories about fat, middle aged radio announcers obsessed with Japanese girls in maid outfits who shred, you’re not gonna want to miss it.


40 thoughts on “Game On!

  1. Your wife is an amazing decorator. She has such classy taste. (How did she ever end up mar…) Never mind, it’s Christmas. The season of loving your fellow man and woman and Bunny who sounds like a generous and lovely lady.

    I need something boozy cause the candy canes just aren’t putting me in the right mood.

    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She always said she’d marry any man who promised to cook every day so she would never have to again, and, and I was first in line.

      Bunny is indeed lovely, and is so much happier and at peace now that she doesn’t even mind all the horrifically tasteless jokes I make every time I see her. Friends forever, and all that.

      Merry Merry to you and yours also babe, and my best wishes for a great new year coming up ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

    1. No, but there’s a Hope, New Jersey. It’s not far from where I am actually, just a bit west of Allamuchy. Very nice place. There’s a locally famous attraction called “Land of Make Believe”. I sometimes think I live there….

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Merry Christmas. Missed you during the hiatus.
    It’s nice to have friends like Bunny that know that your crappy PS2 needed to be retired, so they won’t have to suffer through using that again.
    Love that dining room set up, Wifey is classy.
    And your shots of the city’s skyline were nice, you could take pity on a camera deprived girly and stop sharing those damn shots that are gorgeous.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THE PS2 ISN’T CRAPPY! *sob* I loved that thing…for, like, 20 years. But yeah, it’s good to finally upgrade. I’m glad Bunny had her dick cut off, otherwise I’d still be playing The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius: Attack of the Twonkies. Instead of, y’know, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius: Attack of the Twonkies….for PS4!

      Thanks for the compliments on my godlike photography skills. You don’t have a camera, though? How do you get those pics of the doggos on your blog? Very, very good artist renditions?

      Anyway, thanks much for the rockin’ comment, and all the best to you and yours in 2020! And if you ever are so unfortunate as to find yourself in the wilds of New Jersey, stop by. We can play The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius: Attack of the Twonkies together!


      1. Of course my art skills are amazing, I did take grade 2 art where my teacher Ms. Ritchie said that I had all the skill needed for bobble headed stick figures, and what more could a girl ever need.
        But honestly, my camera envy of your skills and equipment comes from my camera failing to function properly at the moment, and my phone died after a really hard fight and my quickly purchased emergency phone has one of the shittiest cameras out on the market.
        Fingers crossed the camera can be salvaged, I need to post more photos of my dogs on my blog. The internet does not have enough doggo photos and videos on it, and I’m determined to fill that void.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Well if Ms. Ritchie opined such a laudatory assessment, who am I to argue? An artist you are!

          Oh man, no joke here that I hope your camera situation improves in 2020. Screw world peace and a reduction in CO2 levels, we need more doggo pictures! That may be what saves us ultimately, after all. I wish I could help, but, y’know…ennui…apathy…indifference…etc. Oh, and money. That’s the big one. Aside from ennui.

          Of course, until you get the camera situation sorted, how about a few freehand bobble head figures? I understand you’re quite talented.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy New Year! ๐Ÿ˜€ (you haven’t spammed comments on my old, inaccessible blog in a while so I thought I’d surprise you… unless Delphi finally stopped sending me emails, then in that case “yay!”) Wow, you made out like a thief. OldHubby(tm) insists on all Sony products EXCEPT the game console. That’s XBox One. But I’ve been transitioning back to PC gaming over the past couple of years so I don’t care what he plays Forza on.

    Anyway, glad to see you guys are still kicking (and biting). Wifey’s dining room looks like a magazine picture. I’m kinda jealous. My Christmas decorating doesn’t go beyond the tree, but that’s always a big freakin production so I guess it’s okay. Speaking of which! I was SORTA KINDA looking at New York City on Christmas morning as well…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Good lord, look what the cat dragged in,

      BFM! How the hell are ya, kid?! I gotta tell you, and this is no lie, I stopped leaving those silly comments back your Delphi place because it just got too depressing being reminded every year that you were no longer blogging. I loved your word crafting skills, and by extension, you. And then, *sob*, you left me. Just like my mom when I discovered she was breastfeeding me through falsies and confronted her (I was 28).

      Seriously, it’s GREAT to see you here, and it’s double great to see you’ve kept the tradition alive and produced another BlueFaeTree! “He’s a sailor, he’s in New York, we get this guy laid, we won’t have any trouble.” How could it miss? Well done!!

      Tell OldHubby(tm) I said hi, and Grand Tourismo kicks Forza’s ass. Thanks, and write again ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OldHubby(tm) said, “Who the hell is that?” So congrats.

        Well, I don’t want to start rumors or anything, but my only resolution for this year is to start writing again. I’m desperately out of practice and my grammar has possibly skipped town. But I’ve got three unfinished novels and one adoring fan, so there’s loads of motivation right there.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Do it! I promise to read all three once Google Books uploads them for free viewing!

          And who the hell gives a flying fuck about grammar anymore? Just write, damn you!

          And tell OH(tm) I said, “God.”

          Liked by 2 people

          1. So far, so good on the resolution. I posted some hastily written garbage here on my WP blog, which took me far too long to figure out how to activate. I have no idea if my name automatically becomes the link if I have a blog here. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING

            Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m spamming you, sorry. -_- I ended up just changing my whole url to as it was easier. Ignore the previous address. Which I really wanted, but apparently I got the Dollar Store version because someone else already used it at one time.

      Liked by 1 person

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