Well, my previous post certainly generated its share of comments. Everything from “You rock, I wanna sit on your face!” to “You suck, I wanna punch you in the face!”
Guess what my wife’s response was?
She went out and bought me this:
She dared me to wear it to work, but you never know who played clarinet in high school and still remembers enough of the scale to complain to HR again. So I won’t.
So yesterday was Christmas, and in addition to misogynist mens wear NewWifey(tm) gave me: 8 bottles of scotch, an anime DVD (Azumanga Daioh!), scotch friendly chocolates, head, a Powerpuff Girls coloring book, Ren & Stimpy boxers, a soup Thermos for work, and a Kobe Tai signed collector’s edition poster. (Guess which of those is my favorite holiday tradition?)
Oh, and a watch.
Yes, I know. I know. I have several watches already, including my anniversary Movado, which I love dearly.
But you know how it is when you have a fetish. As MTV used to say, “Too much is never enough.”
And besides, this one is important. It has a green dial. I don’t have a watch with a green dial, a situation that must not be allowed to stand.
I started lobbying for a green faced watch several weeks ago.
I didn’t have to lobby hard.
“What do you want for Christmas this year?” NewWifey(tm) said.
“I want a watch with a green dial!” I said. “And a Red Ryder range model air rifle BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time!”
“I’ll get you the watch.”
Sure enough, yesterday morning after the booze and the porn and the cartoon underwear NewWifey(tm) handed me a long, slim box.
I unwrapped it in under a second.
Woo hoo! Ain’t she purty? British Racing Green, made in England. My Lancaster City grandmother would approve.*
I put it on.
“It’s gorgeous” I said to NewWifey(tm). “Thank you so much!”
She didn’t say anything. Didn’t even smile, in fact.
“Er…did I say something wrong?”
She sighed. “Turn the watch over.”
I looked at NewWifey(tm). “‘Henry’?” I said. “Who is Henry, and why are you saying that to him?”
“I didn’t know it would say ‘Henry'” she said. “I chose that stupid watch not just because it had a green dial, but because if you ordered it from the company website they would engrave the back for free. BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THEY’D PUT THE NAME OF THE COMPANY ON THE BACK TOO! AND WHO THE FUCK NAMES THEIR COMPANY ‘HENRY’?!”
I should explain something here. Our wedding rings are copies of a 13th century “Posy Ring” that’s on display in the British Museum. The outside is a deeply incised floral design. On the inside is…you guessed it…
So NewWifey(tm) jumped, to say the least, when she found she could have the same Ode to Commitment etched into the back of a watch.
What she didn’t realize was that the company also inscribes their name on the back of all their watches. I think she saw it on the website, but thought it would be replaced by whatever she asked them to write.
She ordered it straight away.
So now I’m wearing a watch that proclaims my wife’s pledge of undying love and fidelity to Henry.
I can’t say I blame NewWifey(tm). It really is a gorgeous watch. I’d probably flip for Henry, too.
Still…I’m gonna miss her. So Henry, where ever you are, please be good to my NewWifey(tm). She’s been practically like a wife to me. She may not like watches as much as you, but she’s a good kid.
Oh well. Easy come, easy go. I guess I’m back on the market again.
Hey, I wonder what Kobe Tai’s up to these days…?
Ciao, kids! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and finally got that pony. Or a watch of undying love. Even if it wasn’t from Henry (you poor thing).
*You know, I think I may order one for my dad. It would match one of his two classic British Triumph TR-6’s:
I just need to convince him that his name is “Henry”. He’s getting old, it might work….