Oh, Henry!

Well, well, well. My previous post certainly generated its share of comments, didn’t it. Everything from “You rock, I wanna sit on your face!” to “You suck, I wanna punch you in the face!

Guess what my wife’s response was?

She went out and bought me this:

Come On Babe shirt

She dared me to wear it to work, but you never know who played clarinet in high school and still remembers enough of the scale to complain to HR again. So I won’t.

Now yesterday was Christmas of course, and in addition to misogynist mens wear NewWifey(tm) gave me: 8 bottles of scotch, an anime DVD (Azumanga Daioh!), scotch friendly chocolates, head, a Powerpuff Girls coloring book, Ren & Stimpy boxers, a soup Thermos for work, and a Kobe Tai signed collector’s edition poster.

Oh, and a watch.

Yes, I know. I know. I have several watches already, including my anniversary Movado, which I love dearly.

But you know how it is when you have a fetish. As MTV used to say, “Too much is never enough.”

And besides, this one is important. It has a green dial. I don’t have a watch with a green dial, a situation which must not be allowed to stand.

The lobbying for a green faced watch therefor began several weeks ago.

I didn’t have to lobby hard.

“What do you want for Christmas this year?” NewWifey(tm) said.

I want a watch with a green dial!” I said. “And a Red Ryder range model air rifle BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time!

“I’ll get you the watch.”

It worked!

Sure enough, yesterday morning after the booze and the porn and the cartoon underwear NewWifey(tm) handed me a long, slim box.

I unwrapped it in under a second.



Woo hoo! Ain’t she purty? British Racing Green, made in England. My Lancaster City grandmother would approve.*

I put it on.

It’s gorgeous.

It’s gorgeous” I said to NewWifey(tm). “Thank you so much!

She didn’t say anything. Didn’t even smile, in fact.

Er…did I say something wrong?”

She sighed. “Turn the watch over.”

I did.


All I Refuse watch back


I looked at NewWifey(tm). “‘Henry’?” I said. “Who is Henry, and why are you saying that to him?

“I didn’t know it would say ‘Henry'” she said. “I chose that stupid watch not just because it had a green dial, but because if you ordered it from the company website they would engrave the back for free. BUT I DIDN’T KNOW THEY’D PUT THE NAME OF THE COMPANY ON THE BACK TOO! AND WHO THE FUCK NAMES THEIR COMPANY ‘HENRY’?!

I should explain something here. Our wedding rings are copies of a 13th century “Posy Ring” that’s on display in the British Museum. The outside is a deeply incised floral design. On the inside is…you guessed it…

Wedding Ring

So NewWifey(tm) jumped, to say the least, when she found she could have the same Ode to Commitment etched into the back of a watch.

What she didn’t realize was that the company also inscribes their name on the back of all their watches. I think she saw it on the website, but thought it would be replaced by whatever she asked them to write.


She ordered it straight away.

So now I’m wearing a watch that proclaims my wife’s pledge of undying love and fidelity to Henry.

I can’t say I blame NewWifey(tm). It really is a gorgeous watch. I’d probably flip for Henry, too.

Still…I’m gonna miss her. So Henry, where ever you are, please be good to my NewWifey(tm). She’s been practically like a wife to me. She may not like watches as much as you, but she’s a good kid.

Oh well. Easy come, easy go. I guess I’m back on the market again.

Hey, I wonder what Kobe Tai’s up to these days…?

Ciao, kids! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and finally got that pony. Or a watch of undying love. Even if it wasn’t from Henry (you poor thing).


*You know, I think I may order one for my dad. It would match one of his two classic British Triumph TR-6’s:

Dad's Triumphs

I just need to convince him that his name is “Henry”. He’s getting old, it might work….


26 thoughts on “Oh, Henry!

  1. The watch is GORGEOUS! Henry is no watch for you… ooops, sorry, he is no match for you. Can he sous-vide? No. Can he do radio? No. Does he read Bewitching Kitchen?

    Case closed

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS (or any other politically correct statement of your choice) 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s an awesome shirt. I hope Henry is a happy guy. Oh wait, no, I have the perfect plan. Change your first name (or middle if you want to reduce the commitment) to Henry. This is a flawless plan, I really see no issues with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wish I read music cause I’m sure there’s a brilliant, if provocative, message there. And the watch … snazzy even if New Wife (TM) chose that subtle way to let you know you’ve been dumped.

    Loved the list of gifts. (I read carefully and saw how you sneaked that one in there.)

    PS: We both have special family members. I got fuzzy green Yoda slippers from my adult nephew. They keep my feet warm … I’m a glass half full woman and I don’t have to look at them while wearing them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yoda slippers! My god, you’d have to keep me FROM looking at them constantly. I’d be walking into walls…ditches…traffic….

      (Those notes are, in order, “B”, “A”, “B”, “E”. Get it now, babe?)


      Liked by 1 person

  4. There are two sides to every coin, and all of them are wrong. So wear your musical tee, enjoy the gifts, and at the right moment, take that OH HENRY for all it’s worth.

    Happy Festivus!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Flute, horn, clarinet – all those treble instruments. Too many people that might still remember the notes. Coulda gone bass clef – fewer people around that might interpret it. (Like old trombone players – there aren’t many of us)

    Gorgeous looking watch too. I’d be afraid to wear it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My wife, a viola player, was hoping to find it in alto clef. Talk about thinning the herd of people who might know *that* one. But I’m still pussy enough I’d probably avoid wearing even that to work.

      You know, the watch may be gorgeous but it’s not that expensive. If you want the engraving from the factory you do have to order from the company website, and they do charge a premium. But if you don’t mind a blank backside, the prices on Amazon et al for that model are only around 75 bucks. For that price you could practically afford to use it as an emergency fly swatter.


      1. No engraving for $75!?!?! It looks much pricier than that – fooled me completely.

        I was also going to suggest the C Clef – the one with middle “C” in the center, but it turns out that’s only another name for the alto clef. Also used by alto trombones which I didn’t even know existed. So thanks for being the impetus to that bit of research! Now that I’ve learned something new, I can go home happy today!


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