No Pony.

So what’d ya get, huh? We’re you a good little munchkin and got that pony for Christmas? Or were an evil Mnuchin, and got not only the pony but also the stable, the stable hands, free transport to visit your pony on a cozy government jet with that bombshell wife of yours who loves you for your looks and charming personality and not because you gave her a duvet made out of uncut sheets of American currency, and everyone else’s pony?

I didn’t get either one.

You know what I got?

An ugly Christmas sweatshirt with a tractor on it.

A tractor? Yes, a tractor.

Tractor Sweatshirt

And not even a sweater. An ugly Christmas sweatshirt with a tractor on it.

What the hell? Was Santa telling me I needed to get plowed for the holiday? Spread cheer AND manure? Wear bib overalls?

NewWifey(tm) saw the look on my face.

Yeah, about that” she said. “The store sent the wrong one. You were supposed to get a matching sweatshirt for this.” She tossed me another package, soft and smaller. I tore it open.

GuP T-shirt



Santa DOES love me!

The sweatshirt version should get here in a week or two” NewWifey(tm) said. “In the meantime, you can keep the tractor. They didn’t seem to want it back.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

My wearable anime obsession wasn’t the only thing I got, though. Under the tree Santa also left


I have wanted one of these atomic blitzing wands for years. I do have one, but it’s an anemic consumer model that’s pretty much a stick blender in name only. It’s actually so under powered that I can make mayonnaise faster by hand. Plus it’s about 15 years old now, and really starting to flag. I was planning on getting a new one – same model, since it’s one of the few in my price range – after the new year.

But Santa came through! With an ALL-CLAD, no less!

Check out this new bad boy next to ‘Ol Wheezy’:

Two Stick Blenders

Between that and my Vitamix, I’m gonna be able to puree my freakin’ Subaru now if I need to.

Oh! In addition to the weeaboo anime shirt, I also got



Yes! The “Girls und Panzer” anime series was made into a film 2 years ago, but they only just released the English subtitled/dubbed version like a month ago. I was seriously considering stowing away in the wheel well of an ANA jumbo jet and catching the film in Tokyo if I had to. But now I don’t.

Oh heck, what’s another beauty shot?

Stick blender and Gup

(Hmmm. I’m noticing a theme to my Christmas presents over the years. We even had the same meal: a prime rib roast. I wonder what that says about me?)

I also had a stocking, hung over the VCR with care, and when I awoke I found it crammed solid with little airplane bottles of various alcoholic libations. Thanks, Santa! I wonder how he knew….

Still, as wonderful as that pile was, it was nothing compared to the swag NewWifey(tm) got under the tree.

Ready for this? I got her an Epilady, with the upper lip attachment.

Oh yeah. I got some that night, you better believe it.

That’s about it. I just wanted to post a quicky here before I drank that entire stocking and forgot what the hell else I got. Stupid fragile neurons.

I hope you had a merry one, too. Sorry if that was your tractor sweatshirt I got. I’m wearing it now, btw. It’s actually very nice.

Tree 2017 2


18 thoughts on “No Pony.

  1. we need a shot of the sweater, some appropriately matched cozy pants AND the sexy slippers from your earlier post. I visualize it all nicely framed with you sitting in a red armchair with the tree next to said armchair. Empty bottle of booze is optional


    Nice stick, by the way…. (Sally ducks fast)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. “Nice stick, by the way…. ”

      If I had a nickle for every time I heard that….

      Hey hey now, the bottle of booze is NEVER optional, empty or not. But yes, that would be a killer photo 🙂

      Merry Christmas to you too, my favorite Brazilian Iron (uptake) Chef!


      1. OMG! I will HAVE to use the Iron (uptake” Chef… How on Earth that escaped me/?? Me, the Master of All Things Radioactive… OF COURSE, I AM indeed the Iron Uptake Chef… (in fact, just did a fantastic experiment on Dec 22nd, all modesty aside… it was a thing of hot beauty!)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m so impressed! AGAIN! (But not surprised.) In all honesty, research scientists keep me in awe more than any other group of people I know. Maybe because my dad was a research hematologist. Anyway, YOU GO, GIRL! I’m applauding you all the way from my seat here in Not Quite As Smart As A Scientist land 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, it’s a nice tractor. It’s got reindeer, Christmas bells, candy canes…what more do you want???

    My father actually got a pony and a cart one Christmas. Truly. That was a story I loved to hear.

    You’ll enjoy the more powerful stick blender. My ancient Moulinex was replaced by a KitchenAid which power-wise, is in another league. I kept the Moulinex. It has a ricer attachment to which I am…umm…attached. The ricer is a one-of-a-kind as far as I know.

    Merry, happy, and everything good to you and yours.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A ricer attachment on a stick blender? That’s a new one by me. Cool! I can see why you kept it.

      I FINALLY MET SOMEONE WHO KNOWS SOMEONE WHO GOT A REAL LIVE PONY FOR CHRISTMAS!! (Er, it was a live one, right? I mean, not like the one my mom got me that time? The one she pried off her fender?)

      Merry and Happy to you and your loved ones also, babe 🙂


  3. My Christmas booty was slightly less glamorous than yours: a pro-quality rock tumbler (which was VERY much wanted); an orchid plant, which is lovely and I’m grateful, but given I’ve got a brown thumb…

    Oh, and food poisoning. Yes, really. Given my tight schedule, I bought a pre-made pumpkin pie. It’ll be the last time, trust me. (We narrowed it down by playing, “Did you eat…?”) Said pumpkin pie was the only common denominator.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no – you got squashed! Damn, that suck-ola’s. Sorry to hear it.

      Woo hoo on the rock tumbler! I had one when I was a kid, and always wanted to get an upgraded version as an adult (especially as we live in an area renowned for its phosporescent minerals – look up “NJ Franklin Mineral Museum”, NewWife(tm) used to be a guide there).

      Merry Christmas L. Don’t kill that orchid. Please? 🙂


      1. Oh, and you sort of know another person who got a pony. My spousal unit asked for a dog when he was a little boy. He got a pony. His sister shared the picture, if I can find it. But… he never got the dog, not until he was grown. Guess what his birthday gift was from me a few years ago? (Hint: the canine still takes up 10 square feet of bed space at night, despite being about 18″ long)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I had a GREAT Christmas as far as presents go and most other things. 🙂 I’m very glad you did, too!!! I shared your last blog post with my friend in Colorado Springs and she laughed all morning. What’s even better, she was reading it at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I frowned when I saw the jumper. Mostly in puzzlement, because I had no idea what the tractor had to do with Christmas. Although I frowned when I saw the Girls Und Panzer t-shirt too, if truth be told, because I have never heard of this. What is it? What’s the storyline? Is there one?

    The blender, on the other hand, is amazing. I hope you go on a blending spree.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh to be young, innocent, and blissfully unaware of Girls und Panzer again. I almost envy you your purity….

    Ok, quick synopsis: “Tankery”, an organized sport involving teams of girls in tanks fighting each other, is a traditional and popular pasttime that’s seen as a great way to develop womany virtues. Many high schools have a team, in the way they now have football teams, field hockey teams, etc. Only women participate.

    This series concerns the exploits of a young lady who grew up in a famous tankery family but rejected them and moved to a school that has no tankery team. However, shortly after she arrives the school starts a team (for a reason I won’t spoil) and she gets dragged reluctantly into joining, and leading, the newbies as they start a quest to win the (of course) Big Championship. You’ll never guess what happens!

    If you want movie references, try this: it’s like a cross between the Brad Pitt movie “Fury” and “Hello Kitty!”. Or maybe “The Bad News Bears” crossed with “Band of Brothers” and “Hello Kitty!”. That works too. It’s cute but intense, and my wife loves it because it’s also very chick empowering with no love interests, demeanment of gender, etc. Not even stereotypical anime super-boobs. Did you watch the vid I linked to? That’ll give you a bit of an idea of the style.

    Yeah, I frowned when I saw the jumper too. But it’s starting to grow on me after having worn it for a few days now. It’s kinda like a retarded nephew, y’know? It’s ugly and stupid and you really don’t want to be seen with it, but after a while you realize it can’t help it. That’s just how it was made. And eventually you even catch yourself smiling despite yourself when you see it, at least briefly, and even consent to be seen out in public with it – again, briefly. Even the inevitable puddle of drool spilling down the front of it eventually even becomes almost tolerable. Almost.

    Oh my yes, a blending spree is definitely called for. Maybe I’ll start with that jumper….



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