Breasts!

I have a First World problem. A problem that is practically the definition of “First World Problem”.

I have too much food.

At the end of my last entry I related how every single person I’d invited for Thanksgiving cancelled at the last second AND NewWifey(tm) woke up sick. By the time I found out I was to be the only attendee at my own soirΓ©e, I’d already prepped enough food to alleviate famine in a 3rd world country (Tennessee).

I immediately stopped prepping dishes midway, except for those which couldn’t be put up and frozen at that point. Some that couldn’t be halted I combined. So for instance, instead of seperate dishes of “Cippolini en Agrodolce” (cippolini in sweet/tart balsamic glaze), stuffed mushrooms, asparagus stuffed arancini, and caramelized squash, thyme, and honey ice cream* , I just took all the veggies, threw them on a baking sheet, and roasted them off for a mixed roast veggie platter.

*I had written an extensive shopping list on the white board on our refrigerator the week before. As I picked up each one I crossed it off the list. One of the items was “acorn squash”. NewWifey(tm) happened to be out shopping for chick stuff (Playgirl, another Epilady) the day before Thanksgiving and happened to see a clearance sale on acorn squash. “Hey” she thought, “The refrigerator says we don’t have acorn squash yet! I’ll pick some up so Danger doesn’t have to run out at the last second and find some.” So she purchased 5. Big ones. The trouble was, I had already purchased acorn squash. Five. Big ones. I just forgot to cross it off the list. So now I was scrambling to mix acorn squash into every conceivable dish, whether it was appropriate or not. Like ice cream.

Still, despite all the consolidating and cancelling, I ended up with 9 separate dinner items and two desserts. All for myself. I’d already made a large batch of stock, and one of the two soups using it (a cream of roast chestnut soup), along with several other things that either were already made, or couldn’t be stopped midway.

At the end, it looked like this:

Table 2

(I’m most proud of the tube of commercial cranberry jelly, artfully stood on end and garnished with a flat sauce spoon jammed into the top. I don’t actually eat the stuff, but I insist it be there as an homage to the Indians who probably would have enjoyed it had they not been systematically eradicated by the people they taught to grow corn so they wouldn’t starve to death.)

I didn’t even bother carving the turkey, just tore apart half of it with my hands and threw it on the platter. That’s how I was gonna eat it, after all. And you see quick made cream biscuits instead of yeast risen Parker House rolls. Bottom left is the gratin dish of roast veggies, and mid-pic is more of those stupid acorn squash, each stuffed with a different mixture (the light yellow one was my fave: bourbon, saffron, thyme and onion. At the end I was just throwing whatever was closest to hand in there, and that one just happened to work.) And wine. In the famous anniversary decanter.

You’ll notice that whilst I was the only one eating, I laid out three place settings. That’s because I knew no matter how sick NewWifey(tm) is, if she smells food she will walk, crawl, or drag herself by her fingernails to the table to see what I made. And probably eat some of it. The third plate was in case any of our other invitees ended up having a change of heart and showing up.

I was right about NewWifey(tm), at least. No sooner had I poured my third glass of wine when she shuffled into the dining room wearing nothing but her frumpy sick robe and fuzzy slippers and sat down opposite me. Didn’t say a word, just spooned herself out a bowl of chestnut soup, a slice of turkey, and a wedge of roast squash from the gratin dish. She ate slowly in silence, then stood up and left. I knew she must really be sick because she didn’t have any wine.

I was wrong about the drop-in, though. That plate stayed clean.

I did the best I could. Really I did. But even though I shoveled in so much that my socks were getting tight, there was still a mountain of food left over. Realize that what I set on the table there was not everything I made. There was still half a turkey, almost a full half sheet of roasted veggies, more gravy, more stuffing, more acorn squash, and two desserts back in the kitchen. (Desserts: pumpkin pie – don’t judge – and coconut milk, pandan, and cardamon sticky rice pudding thingy, another thow-everything-in-the-cupboard-into-it dish that was incredibly delicious.)

So now I have too much food. My freezer was already almost packed full with all the dishes I had to halt mid-construction. So I’m scrambling to eat the most perishable leftovers first, and creatively use the others in ways that will both consolidate space, and not disgust me. Like those damn 10 acorn squash!

Ooh, hey, check this out:

We got a new camera!

Rather, NewWifey(tm) got a new camera. But I get to use it.

I know what you’re thinking. Wasn’t I bitching and moaning mere days ago about how poverty stricken we are? How the hell could I afford a new camera when I just finished proclaiming to the world that I was gonna have to sell a pancreas just so I could afford my next PornHub Premium payment?

Here’s how. NewWifey(tm), team player extraordinaire, stepped up to the plate a while back and started her own company in hopes of helping generate income. It’s been slow going, but she’s worked like a dog and hung in there and over the past year her efforts have really been paying off. Not so much financially yet, but she’s laying the groundwork.

Recently a national magazine wanted to feature her work, and they asked for pics of her, and some of her pieces. I dutifully snapped a couple of shots with my Nintendo DSi, edited the hell out of them in Windows Media Player, and sent them off. They looked good to me.

They did not look good to them. They apparently have this thing called “editorial standards” that applies to even their visual content. Damn them.

So NewWifey(tm) withdrew an alarmingly large portion of her business’ budget for the year and had me purchase a new photo takin’ rig, since I know of such things (or so I told her). It arrived the other day and…I can’t understand a word of it. My god, the manual that came with it looks like it was made for the space shuttle.

Anyway, I took an artsy sorta shot of the above dinner table with it, just for fun:

Table 1

Pretty sucky, right? But hey, it was a first attempt. I wasn’t worried about composition, and the lighting wasn’t great (all those shadows!), but at least I was able to figure out the aperture priority mode and get a shot with a shallow depth of field. I’m gonna do a photogeek entry about it in the days to come, so be warned. In the meantime, I think this should solve the problem of NewWifey(tm) being rejected by idiots who demand things like “quality”.

Jeez, I’ve written a ton of crap here and still haven’t gotten to the point. Which is…

Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if he could borrow our ladder. This was pretty funny because it’s actually his ladder. NewWifey(tm) borrowed it from him about 5 years ago when she was installing the satellite dish on our roof, and I, er, “forgot” to return it when she asked me to. I forgot for so long that he eventually forgot he lent it to us. So now when he needs a ladder, he comes over and asks to borrow ours. His.

So Friday he came over again, and once again I was very generous to allow him to borrow his own ladder. When he was done with it later that afternoon, he returned it to our garage and knocked on our door. “I put your ladder back in the garage” he said. “Here’s some of our leftover turkey as a thank you.” And he handed me a covered paper dish.

Great. More leftovers. Thanks, bro. See if I lend you my ladder next time.

Oh well. It was a nice gesture, right? I took the plate into the kitchen and uncovered it. Inside was a few slices of breast meat, the middle and end joints of a wing, and a slice of canned cranberry jelly. I grabbed a slice of white meat and stuck it in my mouth.

It was every slice of turkey I ever had at family Thanksgiving dinners when I was a kid, every slice I ever had at school cafeterias, every slice I ever had at every crummy diner, restaurant, and catered event before I became a chef. In short, it was the turkey breast that made me think I hated turkey growing up. Dry, flavorless, dry. It was like trying to eat a sand storm.

I spit it out. Not that I had any other option, as it was too dry to swallow. I literally then stayed looking down at that plate of destroyed food and wondered how in the hell they managed to cook it that badly. WHY had they cooked it that badly? Was it tradition? Ignorance? Spite? (Maybe he realized it was his ladder after all.)

I came to the conclusion it was ignorance, just based on the fact that wallboard textured turkey seems to be the norm in so many places. They just didn’t know any better, poor things.

That got me thinking then about advice I’ve always given when someone asks be about how they can be a better cook. My stock answer (pun) is always, “learn techniques, not recipes“. If you know the basic processes that the majority of dishes are based on, you don’t need recipes. You can take practically any ingredient and just apply one of those processes to it, add some other flavors if you want, and viola! Dinner. Technique overcomes substandard equipment, not-so-fresh ingredients,Β  lousy attitude, everything. You give me a heated flat rock to cook on, a sharpened clam shell to cut things, a bowl and a spoon, and I’ll still be able to make 90% of the things I already make, 90% better than you.

But when I tell people that, I invariably get back a frustrated grimace and something along the lines of, “That’s easy for you to say. You’re a trained chef, so you know all that intricate shit us mere mortals can’t possibly pull off. Just tell me a good recipe!

GAHH!! I HATE HEARING THAT!

One of the big advantages of having cooked – both professionally and as a passionate amateur – thousands and thousands of dishes, day in, day out for the better part of half a century, is that I can look back and see the Big Picture. And the Big Picture is this:

Most cooking consists of doing the same thing with different ingredients.

No, seriously. Think of the all ways you can heat food. What do you come up with? Let’s see: in an oven…in a pan…in water…in oil…in beer….in smoke…over steam…inside a mulch pile…slapping between the saddle and your galloping horse…uh…um…. I know there’s a few more, but most tend to be minor variations of the above. The majority of all cooking, not matter what style, what ethnicity, how expensive, is gonna rely on one of those methods. If you know them, you know how to cook, and you can make practically anything. If you just learn recipes, you’re limited to just them. And if you don’t have something the recipe calls for, you’re screwed.

Great cooks aren’t better because they know more intricate things, like my idiot friends always opine. They’re great because they know the basic things, and how to manipulate them.

So to become a better cook, just start taking ingredients, apply any of the various heating methods, and add some flavorings. Cooking that way gives you THOUSANDS of possible combinations. Certainly more than the number of recipes you could memorize.

Of course, you have to know something about those ingredients. Some stuff can’t be deep fried (M&M’s…trust me), others will fall apart when steamed, etc. But like the above heating methods, there are really only a few basic categories and a handful of exceptions you need to know, and that’s it.

I thought of all of that as I was looking down at that plate of dry turkey. If only the guy (or his wife, I don’t know) knew how to cook meats. One of the most important things about meats is getting the right internal temperature. It almost doesn’t matter how you cook most meats. If you nail the internal temperature, you win. With turkey that means not going over 165 in the breast meat, 175 in the thighs. Otherwise you end up with…this.

And that then got me thinking.

I should start a YouTube channel. After all, I’ve got that nifty new camera!

I know there are a lot – like, brazillions – of cooking channels out there. Not to mention regular TV cooking shows, even entire networks. But everything these days seems to either fall into the “food porn” category, food competition shows, celebrity “look what I can make!” fluff, or those 60-second Tasty videos of triple layer cakes made with potato skins and Cool Whip. Nothing that actually teaches people to cook, at least not more than one dish per episode.

There used to be a show years ago called “How To Boil Water”, but since then…nothing. At least nothing that I’ve seen.

I’d like to start a series that teaches processes. An episode on how to boil something. As stupid as it sounds, there really are factors that make a difference when you boil things. Another on steaming, one on saute, on pan roasting, deep frying, and so on. Some basic prep skills along the way too, along with stone-simple guidelines regarding ingredients if needed. Maybe an episode dedicated soley to how to make liquids thick, for sauces and gravies. Like heating methods, there are only a handful of ways you need to learn.

I really, honestly think that if people who wanted to learn to cook learned those things, they’ll become better cooks than if they watched a ton of Rachael Ray pouring EVOO over yet another pan of her signature glop.

Here’s how I’d do it. To make the point that technique beats all, every episode would use only chicken breasts. It would demonstrate that you can take one ingredient and make literally hundreds and hundreds of dishes just by varying the process (and accent flavorings) applied to it. No recipe needed.

I would call it, “The Breast Channel on YouTube!“. Catchy, huh? If that alone doesn’t get people to click, I’ll eat…my neighbor’s turkey.

There’s one problem, though.

I’m on the radio, not TV, for a reason. “Not photogenic” is putting it kindly. I’ve been described as “Jabba the Hutt with back hair”, and that’s by people who ostensibly love me. The camera is not my friend. There’d be a percussive thunderclap when millions of people hit the “Back” button simultaneously 5 seconds after the opening credits, upon seeing my visage.

So I guess that’s that. You’re all doomed to wallboard turkey and cans of factory extruded soup. Sorry.

Oh well. At least I got an entry called “Breasts!” into the Daily Post.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have more leftovers. If the mountain of food won’t come to Dangerspouse, Dangerspouse will have to go to the mountain. Again.

At least they’re well made.

Ciao!

.

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54 thoughts on “Breasts!

  1. I love the cooking youtube idea. Just, please, if you do it, get to the point. When I’m obliged to watch a video about how to cook something I hate it when the person goes on and on and on about their personal connection to the recipe before giving the recipe or showing how to cook it. IMO the moment for that is when the thing has been made. People do this on cooking blogs, too. Sorrowful lack of audience awareness. 😦

    I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I love acorn squash cooked as you’ve cooked it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I HATE WHEN THEY DO THAT TOO!! Shut up! I tuned in to learn the recipe, not your feckless backstory! Sheesh.

      Of course, if *I* did it, I’d at least make it entertaining. Maybe relate the story about how I learned this dish in prison while I was doing time for Grand Theft Ornithopter or something.

      Lol. I still have plenty of squash left if you want me to mail you some πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Made my day! Please do it – I’m a hopeless cook, dangerous, even. Not kidding. When I ask people if they’re good cooks now, they look at me funny, just knowing I’m going to invite myself over real soon – real soon, and regularly.
    It was so bad all my foster kids learned to cook so they wouldn’t have to eat what I did. Seriously. Pls. Even if you have to get seriously arty and ‘colour-in’ a stand-in image.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, some of us truly are that bad. I even tried living as a raw-food vegan, but you know what? Even though I enjoyed the food, it still takes prep – and that’s my problem: patience, understanding of what goes with what, etc. etc. etc. Truly bad (yes, my mother was also a bad cook, but her mother was fan-tas-tic!).

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You actually picked up on something a lot of people know: veggies take more prep work than most meats. So maybe that’s not a good yardstick when it comes to measuring your skills.

          Oh who am I kidding. Yeah, ok, you suck at food. Hang on, I’m taking the next flight out. Have beer ready.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Greetings, Dangerchef!

    You sure wrote an eyeful there… I think we have all had at least ONE holiday that welt all-wrong. It is a shame, but not a disaster as long as the food does not go to waste. THAT’s when it does become a genuine problem. I’m sorry NewWIfey was really ill but the only person who was in distress otherwise was YOU, and I think you did a grand job of everything from start to finish.

    I kept expecting to see you mention BREAD, since you have claimed you can make bread out of ANYTHING. I think the chestnut soup would have definite possibilities.

    But to your POINT: HURRAY, YOU! If one knows HOW the WHAT becomes less important and it is easy to build confidence and ultimately a willingness to take a leap now and then into culinary adventures. I like the idea of you starting an online series of instructional videos focusing on TECHNIQUE. You have the voice (so you say), the knowledge, and the qualifications. And you think your APPEARANCE isn’t pretty enough? Get over it, Kiddo. If you are personable and show that you know what you are doing people won’t care if you look like Winston Churchill!

    After all, our beloved Julia Child was no Giada di Laurentiis, was she? But people adored her. She knew what she was doing and communicated that, along with her own passion for food and joy in sharing what she had learned. As long as you are impeccably CLEAN and stand up straight you would be fine. And you would have to SMILE a lot so people will know you are having fun…which you do hot have to do for radio. And can you talk to a camera and make yourself believable as a semi-responsible and NOT dangerous threat to your fans? If so, yup. You should give it a try.

    It won’t be a BLOG; it will be a VLOG, as in video, got it? And no, you do not need to tell stories unless they are 1) relevant, 2) helpful, or 3) because you damn well want to. After all, it will be YOUR show, so act like it!

    And humor. Don’t forget humor. Also, I know you REALLY, REALLY want to use the old “breast”, but you might want to rethink that. “Dangerspouse” is already copyrighted, right? USE it, and get the TECHNIQUE in there, too. Dangerspouse Roasts! Dangerspouse Boils Again!, Dangerspouse Grilled, Dangerspouse gives you The Bird, Dangerspouse Minces Around. You get the drift.

    It would be fun and just might succeed. THEN you could let your personal Bourdaijn flag fly, although I would prefer the CLASS of Jose Andres or Eric RIpert. Talk to NW, she won’t lead you astray…well, not at least in remunerative endeavors.

    GO FOR IT, Kid; you only live once!

    Patty

    P.S. I have not forgotten about the watch. I need to get a good picture first and then learn how to send it to you. (Sounds like work.) I’ll get there…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. PattyO’! Where ya been, kid? I’ve missed your notes!

      Lol. That was quite an eyeful of a reply! I’m getting the impression you want to see a DangerTube, huh? Y’know, you almost had me convinced until you said I had to be clean. CLEAN!

      Sorry. Deal’s off.

      But I’ll think about it πŸ™‚

      And c’mon with the watch picture already, slacker!

      Like

  4. If you don’ t mind, let me just sign below the comment of your friend Martha… I have zero – no, minus twenty-five – patience for long-winded instructional videos. And if they come with annoying music, even worse.

    but I would love to watch your Breast Channel – gosh, did I really say that????

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I didn’t know you had such a flair for double entendre. I like you even more now.

      Yeah, as I said to Martha, I can’t stand that kind of preamble either. One good thing about being on the radio, where time is tighter than hell, is that it’s taught me to get right to the content, and be succinct. So if I ever did decided to do something like this, my vids would probably average about 12 seconds each. That’s enough, don’t you think?

      BREASTS!

      πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yes, it’s enough. You should aim at intelligent viewers, forget the rest… πŸ˜‰ Most people hate advertisement, I love the concept – send a message in 30 seconds tops. If you are good, you can do it.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You said, in many more words, what I literally just told a friend a few days ago. Learn the basic recipe – whether bread or soup or whatever – and you can augment and modify and accessorize to your heart’s content.

    I actually used a recipe this week because it had been a while since I made cinnamon rolls (youngest son requested them for Thanksgiving, and since he was covering the majority of the meal, I didn’t mind doing the bread and deviled eggs.) The recipe bread is now slated for bread pudding because it’s too heavy by a factor of at least three. After a mad dash to the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving, I went back and dredged up my own recipe from a memory with more gaps than a sieve, and voilΓ‘! Problem solved. I also baked a couple of pumpernickel rounds at the same time, so my kitchen was wall-to-wall flour.

    If you do elect to do a YouTube channel, you could always call it, “Keeping Abreast with Chef Dangerspouse.” Or simplify it enough to make it understandable to the average American intelligence level, calling it “1-2-3, Cook!” or something similar. Incidentally, you say you’re ugly. After this year’s mug shot on the cover of People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man” edition, I think fugly is in. You may be too pretty, but definitely not to ugly. Besides, your subscribers are going to be too busy salivating over the dishes you show them how to make.

    Or you could take it to a Roku Channel, drum up some sponsors, and make a few million bucks. http://mkvxstream.blogspot.com/2016/03/easily-create-roku-channel-part-one.html. I assume the tech will be over your head, but you could always hire a sixth grader to do the tech work.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. BWHAHAHA! Let’s see, what to address first…

      Well obviously: know any 6th graders? It may be my only hope.

      Good for you, you Real Cook, you! Welcome to the club πŸ‘ I should clarify here that I’m not at all opposed to learning recipes. If you want to replicate a known, named dish, or repeat exactly a favorite one, recipes are the way to go. I wouldn’t have two floor-to-ceiling bookshelves crammed to overflowing with cookbooks if I eschewed recipes. But they’re no substitute for knowing how cooking actually works…a point you apparently agree with. Which is why you’re a smartie!

      Ok. “Keeping a Breast w/ DS” it is! (Note subtle improvement.)

      πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Actually that was a typo on my part. I had written a Breast like you did, but autocorrect decided to correct my warped mind. πŸ˜‰

        As to the 6th grader, I don’t know any; however, our 6-year-old grandson in kindergarten is reading at 6th grade level, and isn’t far from there in math. I’ll check on his programming skills. I’d volunteer but I’m up to my ass in the business setup right now. My son could probably do the channel in his sleep, but I dunno if he’d be willing to take on another project right now. I can run it by him. And I absolutely would, btw. You could be the new Julia Child. If anyone can fill her apron and bra, you can.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. A lot of good ground covered in the comments section… I will simply add that those acorn squash would have kept just fine if need be unless you had actually cut them all open when the dire news of no dinner attendees hit. In that case having managed that much winter squash in one session is gold medal worthy. As for the vid consideration what about focusing on the prep handwork and food and less on your self described lack of photogenic characteristics? You already have the skill set for the voice over. You could also use a romance novel stand in to attract even more viewers but I image the training period for the stand in might be a bit daunting. Bodice ripper good looks and knife skills in the kitchen seem like odd bedfellows.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. “My stock answer (pun) is always, β€œlearn techniques, not recipesβ€œ”

    Yes. This. I am NOT a trained chef – nowhere near it – and anytime anybody swoons over my cooking I have to repeat this over and over. Cooking is not difficult or complicated. There are a number of ways to do it, and practice (and tastebuds) will teach you which sort of flavours go well together. That’s it! Simple.

    Still, people seem suspicious whenever I give this answer. I think they think I’m purposely lying to trick them into making bad food. I actually think cooking classes should come as standard in life; I really can’t hide the look of disdain that comes over me when I meet men in their late twenties or early thirties who seem PROUD that they live on pizza and burnt toast.

    /Rant

    As for they youtube channel…. I think you should do a sort of Binging With Babish type channel, where your head stays out of frame so as to conceal your identity and protect you from the downside of your channel’s inevitable fame and popularity. It’s a great idea!

    Also you can teach us about weird foods. I had to google Acorn Squash. I have never seen an Acorn Squash in my life. Must be an American thing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Look at this, we’ve both written an entry on perfect breasts at practically the same time! And in a weird reversal of the Universal Norm, for once it wasn’t the guy referencing actual boobs, it was the girl! If I recall from my early Catholic teachings, this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Better start praying.

      Hey, I’m really impress by your attitude/indignation when it comes to cooking! I’m gonna go out on a limb and opine that it’s your mother’s loving influence. Spanish cuisine is one of the great underappreciated cuisines of the world IMHO, with multi-cultural influences and a long tradition of fantastic regional specialties. I wouldn’t be surprised if your background gave you that attitude (not the Irish side, because…colcannon. Enough said.)

      Really? You’d never even HEARD of Acorn Squash. I’m actually amazed. It’s ubiquitous here, so I thought it would at least be somewhere in your brain file. Go figure. I personally prefer Butternut squash for flavor and texture, but my wife likes those roasted Acorns, which look like “the cutest little autumnal bowls!” when prepared baked like that. So…I make Acorns.

      πŸ™‚

      Like

    1. Thanks! And thanks for stopping by, that was as unexpected as it was nice of you.

      Lol…figures it was for an entry that was slapped together under duress, and reads like it was. Oh well.

      Thanks again, and all the best to you πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Recipe over technique is why things like Blue Apron are popular among domestic wannabes, but at the end of the day, they don’t get much out of it other than how to make a very specific dish with very specific ingredients (and in very specific amounts). In fact, you should definitely highlight an episode just on how to shop smart. Shop in season. Shop with the right amounts in mind. Shop on the fly. Reduce waste.
    Ramsay has these hilariously violent and aggressively angry cooking videos that reduce something like beef wellington to two minutes. I always thought it’d be funny to shoot a video trying to cook as fast as that, keeping pace, and eating whatever nightmare results in two minutes of cooking.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I couldn’t have said that first part better myself. And I love the “shop smart” suggestion – that’s something I’ve actually thought quite a bit about, beginning back when I was an apprentice at my first restaurant and was charged with inventory control.

      I’ve seen some of those Ramsay quick hits, I think from his show “The F-Word”, and you’re right, they’re a hoot. The Beef Wellington recipe you cited is actually pretty famous, and I’ve often thought I should try it someday myself. I like your “2 Minutes and Eat It” idea, that would be a riot!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Whenever I cook with someone who hasn’t really done much cooking before, whether friends, family, or a date, I’m surprised that the most confusing part for them is the shopping. They just don’t know what to do in the aisles. Hahah. So I definitely think good practical skills start there.

        I did Ramsay’s Beef Wellington with my friends a while back, and then again for my family for Valentine’s one year. For Thanksgiving this year I used his recipe for roast pork belly!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m going to say I’d love you you tube channel. AJ says yes too. So I’m going to offer a suggestion as I’m sure everyone else already has. Don’t shoot you. Shoot the work. I’d suggest a go pro but since you got that new rig, get your wife to rig you up a set up that only point down at your work space. You work radio you got the voice and the skills to teach. I say you can find a way to teach the masses. If AJ knew where the girls fake go pros were they never use she’d send it to you free of charge.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, that’s so sweet of you! Lol, I think you over estimate both my desire and my ability to actually do this, though. But…we’ll see. Maybe if I get drunk enough, or if wifey threatens to withold a valued orifice if I don’t, maybe then I’ll toss something together and see what happens.

      But dammit, I better get some primo groupies if I do!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I have to admit I have a short attention span. I came for the ford porn and got bored around the second mention of acorn squash and just scrolled down to the photos then there was no pie? Looking forward to the first episode of Danger knows Breasts and stuff on youtube… it was something like that right?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. HA! I respect your decision to abandon ship halfway through this mess. I would have too, if I hadn’t written it. Yeesh, way to train wreck the written word, Danger.

      I had the pie – the pumpkin pie, which was actually made with butternut squash – cooling on a rack in the kitchen, sorry. Maybe I should post a pic of the crumbs that are left….

      “Danger Knows Breasts”! Love it! Bwahahaaaaaa πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I hear that on Pornhub they have this “POV” camera angle where the person ‘directing the action’ isn’t seen on camera, but the viewer (never me!!) gets to see their point of view. You could channel that concept to create “Dangerspouse and his POV Breast Techniques” I’d find someone to watch it for me and tell me all about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Why the hell didn’t I think of that? I already have a POV amateur channel on PornHub that I set up for that exact reason. Why didn’t it hit me that I could use the same camera setup for a cooking channel? Other than, y’know, the money shot at the end, it’s practically the same thing! Thanks, man πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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