DangerSingle

NewWifey(tm) is gone.

For the next 6 – 7 weeks, anyway.

Make no mistake here, it wasn’t something I said. For once. Her mom has developed a health issue and needs a caretaker for the next fortnight.

Mom lives in Arkansas, deep in the wilds of Ozarkistan.

NewWifey(tm), despite being the sibling living the farthest distance from Arkansas AND THE ONLY ONE WITH A SPOUSE WHO HAS JUST HAD ELBOW SURGERY AND CAN’T FEND FOR HIMSELF, volunteered for the job.

Hmmm. I wonder if it was something I said.

The kicker is that after her Mom duty is done, NewWifey(tm) then embarks on a month long cross-country tour in support of her little stitching business. She’ll be exhibiting and vending at 2 trade shows in Missouri, then one in Pennsylvania, one in New Hampshire, and one in Maryland. In between she’ll be traveling to other loser states where she’s been invited to teach classes at independent venues.

I’m on my own ’til October! And already it looks like downtown Aleppo in here.

So……….

Anyone out there who’s ever dreamed of sponge bathing a fat middle aged Italian guy in the paradise destination of New Jersey, complete with Happy Endings, now’s your chance! As a bonus you’ll also get to do laundry (yours AND mine!), cook, do dishes, run errands, shop for groceries, pour drinks, answer fan mail, and mow the lawn. Accommodations will be provided: your choice of motorcycle themed garage or tastefully appointed walk-in pantry. And did I mention Happy Endings?

Please? I have cookies.

Mmmmmmmm, cookies.

See ya soon!
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