DangerSingle

cookietray-002

NewWifey(tm) is gone.

For the next 6 – 7 weeks, anyway.

Make no mistake here, it wasn’t something I said. For once. Her mom has developed a health issue and needs a caretaker for the next fortnight.

Mom lives in Arkansas, deep in the wilds of Ozarkistan.

NewWifey(tm), despite being the sibling living the farthest distance from Arkansas AND THE ONLY ONE WITH A SPOUSE WHO HAS JUST HAD ELBOW SURGERY AND CAN’T FEND FOR HIMSELF, volunteered for the job.

Hmmm. I wonder if it was something I said.

The kicker is that after her Mom duty is done, NewWifey(tm) then embarks on a month long cross-country tour in support of her little stitching business. She’ll be exhibiting and vending at 2 trade shows in Missouri, then one in Pennsylvania, one in New Hampshire, and one in Maryland. In between she’ll be traveling to other loser states where she’s been invited to teach classes at independent venues.

I’m on my own ’til October! And already it looks like downtown Aleppo in here.

So……….

Anyone out there who’s ever dreamed of sponge bathing a fat middle aged Italian guy in the paradise destination of New Jersey, complete with Happy Endings, now’s your chance! As a bonus you’ll also get to do laundry (yours AND mine!), cook, do dishes, run errands, shop for groceries, pour drinks, answer fan mail, and mow the lawn. Accommodations will be provided: your choice of motorcycle themed garage or tastefully appointed walk-in pantry. And did I mention Happy Endings?

Please? I have cookies.

Mmmmmmmm, cookies.

See ya soon!
.

.

 

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “DangerSingle

      1. Just a goddamned minute – I’ve heard those words before, accompanied by a fistful of candy, and HE didn’t have his mind on house-cleaning. Mind you, it got that messy first time out of the way, and it didn’t take long to recover from the chloroform – AND when mum got to the hospital she seemed pleased to see me for the first time in the whole nine years of my life.
        Well, come on, unlock the door…

        Liked by 1 person

              1. I thought it was because I was born to late for you to care, now my heart dies because your heart just couldn’t wait, why was I born too late. I see you walk with another, I wish it could be me, I long to hold…
                Somebody take away this keyboard, please

                Like

  1. Saddest part is that if you were closer, you’d have a roommate deal in a heartbeat, complete with cooking/cleaning/shopping and handyman. No sex with me. Hubby’s on his own. You don’t read my blog with or without password, so you’ll have to exist in ignorance. In this case, trust me, ignorance is bliss. You get to say that with a smile.

    Like

    1. Do you know what I just found out, after pondering this comment of yours? Apparently people are updating their blogs even when I’m not getting e-mail notifications that they are! I keep getting e-mails from Poolie and a few others, but not you or a number of others. I always figured you were too busy to write any more because you were hanging out with Danica or something. In reality, I just must have hit the “Send Me E-Mail Notifications” on some blogs, but not others. D’oh! I’m so sorry!! I’ll go back and binge read your archives right now! (And waddaya mean, “hubby’s on his own”? Did you guys divorce?)

      Like

      1. Nah, not divorce. I said no sex with me. I can’t speak for hubby or you. πŸ˜›

        And I think the subscription setup on my blog is wonky. I don’t have a lot of archives anyway since I had to wipe the thing and restart a while back. I have the old entries saved in a database format but think the database itself was corrupted. Normally something corrupt is business as usual in this country, but a corrupted database sorta destroys all your stuff when it comes to blog entries.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s