Baal forsaketh me.

Fire Pan!

 

Didja ever want to deep fry something but you only had a little bit of oil so you used a very small saucepan to increase the depth of the oil, but when you added the food the oil bubbled over and caught your burner on fire? And it wouldn’t go out even after you poured baking soda on it and blew on it and prayed to Baal to save you? So you grabbed your good saute pan and covered the fire with it, which put it out but re-finished the interior of the pan with a layer of (really smelly) carbon? And then you took a photo of it next to its NON-extinguisher twin, and posted it to WordPress?

Nah, me neither.

(Before you chime in with your oh-so-helpful advice, I do indeed have a fire extinguisher. Mounted not two feet from where the conflagration started, in fact. But it turns out that expecting it to hold a charge for 9+ years was a tad optimistic on my part. Surprise!)

Oh, what the hell: Opposites

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15 thoughts on “Baal forsaketh me.

  1. Hmm… A stainless steel pan will polish up nicely despite its new carbon coating,but you have probably added a rainbow layer that sticks something fierce. Not that I have any experience with that, personally. Nope, not me.

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    1. Oh yeah…it’s a restaurant aluminum pan, not stainless. Cleans much more easily. In fact, after I ordered NewWifey(tm) to really get into it with that Brillo pad, you can hardly tell it was recently in danger of becoming a lump of slag.

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        1. Hmmm. I’m not sure if you’re alarmed by aluminum’s cooking properties, or by the now long discredited myth that it imparts toxic levels of lead into the human meat bag.

          If it’s the former, then I’m happy to tell you that aluminum cookware is THE go-to cookware of 90% of the world’s restaurants. They’re inexpensive, durable as hell (the pan on the right I purchased circa 1982), are more conductive than any material other than copper (they transfer heat from stove to food almost instantly), and they provide hours of hilarity when you hear British people try to pronounce “aluminum”. If you’ve ever eaten at a restaurant in your life, I’d say the odds are near 100% that you’ve eaten food cooked on nekkid aluminum.

          If it’s the latter that raised your carefully plucked eyebrow, fear not for me! The old wives tale about brains melting and children crying because of aluminum deposits the size of a continental shelf being ingested with every portion of chicken picatta turns out to have be wrong. When it was found that Alzheimer’s patients had elevated aluminum levels in the brains, some drew the wrong conclusion that it must have been ingested aluminum. That got trumpeted far and wide.

          What WASN’T trumpeted was the follow-up studies that showed, nope, that wasn’t it. Aluminum, the most common metal on earth, is ingested by everyone who just walks around breathing. And the levels they ingest is on an order tens of times more than aluminum sloughed off of pots and pans. (That pan on the right, the one I got during Reagan’s first term? If it shed aluminum every time I cooked with it, it should be practically clear by now.) Of course, as we’ve seen with the MMR=Autism debacle, once people get scared of something, actual evidence to the contrary has no persuasive powers at all.

          Here’s a pretty good synopsis of the actual science behind it all from the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/1990/12/12/garden/eating-well.html?pagewanted=all

          But don’t worry. When you come visit, I’ll cook everything on my Le Creusets. But only because I’m vain!

          🙂

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          1. I don’t eat or drink anything from nekkid aluminum. Except Coke, for which the acid dissolves everything it touches. How bad can it be, eh?

            Honestly I don’t think anyone really knows the situation with 99% of the crap heralded as either safe or poisonous. How many different variations have you heard on the pros and cons of coffee? It’s good for you! It’s awful for you! It rots you inside! It makes you and your unborn children geniuses! It’s the sex-addict’s friend! (Okay, I just made that last one up.)

            And how many different news stories tout whether or not it’s safe to use a cell phone, which may or may not turn your brain into a gooey-hard mass of cancer cells and generally useless stuff. As if it were useful BEFORE being microwaved by a cell phone. Pffft.

            If and when you cook a gourmet feast on my behalf, use whatever mechanism suits your warped sense of the sublime. At least rest assured I won’t douse things in catsup, unless you serve up hamburgers.

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            1. And if you do decide to desecrate my OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW JUICY THESE BURGERS ARE! with such a concoction, at least rest assure that it will be my own homemade ketchup you’re pouring on 🙂

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